Day 1 Convo
Dreamwork:
In the dream I had it was almost like there was a hotel bed that was stuffed inside of like a station wagon or a trailer or something like that. It was integral part of the vehicle itself and I remember there being some sort of odd feel to it which caused me to investigate. I went into the room which is still somehow inside of this vehicle but a full size older hotel room. I pulled up the mattress from the bed (the box spring was fake) and it looked like under the place where people put their feet there had been a body there for like a while. I only saw the outline of the body because the decomposed into the floor. Yet I knew the whole body had decomposed. The stain and outline were just evidence of this body having been there.
I put the mattress back down and then walked into the closet and I see some other signs that there have been there. That body same body, crumpled up in the back left part of the closet and there were some kind of zippered onesie pajamas, super thin, hanging from this curtain rod inside the closet. I looked to my right and see the body that had been peeled off the floor. It was just as flat and flimsy as these old threadbare onesy. I’m looking at that and I know that if I bring it up to whoever this female companion is with me (I never saw her face), she’s not going to want to stay in the room. So I don’t say anything and this scenario repeated itself a couple of times until the dream moved on but my actions largely just stayed the same. There was no real choice in where we could go. We had to go here for some reason and so we were going to have to stay in there and I knew that if I brought it up then she would still have to stay there, but she would feel less secure about the room.
When I left the room, I pulled out of the vehicle like my position was similar to if I lost something between the seats and had gone fishing for them. I pulled back out of the seat that way, straightened up, and notice I’m in some garage. It kind of reminded me of a Fallout gas station almost, but it was a large. A large service garage would be appropriate. There were some fabrication parts and tools there, but right in the middle is this grill – like one of the grills you would find at a restaurant, the 8’x4′ slabs you can turn on. There’s no visible flame and it was old, dusty, and a little rusty, but I knew that’s what I was going to cook on while I was there.
There were other like workers or attendance in the garage but I wasn’t one of them. I have no idea what I was doing there. I remember going over what looked like either crane controls or similar to the winch controls you would see on a crap hauler from the show Deadliest Catch and I go over to these.
I noticed that there are some strange tubes there that were shaped like a circle and another like a triangle. They got fitted into something but they also had something in them kind of like a caulk gun or something where you can squeeze something out. I couldn’t see what would come out or why and felt they would be solid and not fluid.
I found myself going back to the table and noticing the table again and then I do notice that there’s this “attendant”, one of the other people there. Not for me, but for external folk. He had like one of those old school cooking hats on that looked like the military dress hats. They fold flat and then bulge out in the middle on your head. There’s a less…PC name for them. You see them with dress uniforms, except his was for Steak N’ Shake or something like that. I have no idea why he was wearing it, but I did know that there were more hats there, suggesting more expected people, but not for me.
At this point, I went back into this vehicle which now looked like the Ghostbusters hearse and I started the scenario almost all over again. That’s all I remember.
Yet, Gusion wanted me to capture it publicly.
day 3
G: “You’re hurting.”
M: “I am.”
G: “Why?”
M: “Memory Lane. (He waited for me to continue) I still miss her.”
G: “Should you not?”
M: “It kind of doesn’t matter. That’s the way it is now.”
G: “What did you do to deserve this?”
M: “I didn’t. I also didn’t interfere. I didn’t feel it was my right. It wasn’t my fight.”
G: “Some would think you’re talking of abandoning her.”
M: “No. You know I didn’t. She had to leave for her own purposes and reasons.”
G: “Why should this still bother you?”
M: “Because sometimes I can still feel her.”
G: “And why is that?”
M:”Because you get used to feeling somebody when you’re bound to them, even if it’s for protective purposes.”
G: “You think she still feels the same?”
M: “I think her attention tells me she does. But none of my messages were answered and I’m not the type to just keep messaging. I sent several over time. It’s not up to me to send more. It’s part of being respectful.”
G: “So…you just sit and suffer?”
M: “Suffer is a pretty strong word. ‘Concerned’, yes. It doesn’t eat me alive every second of every day or even every other day. There are times where I miss her, times where I feel her. The rest of time, I don’t.”
G: “Yet we’re here talking about it.”
M: “We are.”
G:” You’re a rare breed. You could take what you want possess, what you want manipulate, what you want, and yet you rarely do it. Why?”
M: “Because I would prefer to earn it. If I earn it once, I can earn it again. But if I only obtain it through Magic, then I didn’t really earn it to begin with. Someone can always take it from me with me having to resort to Magic (being weaker) to obtain it again or doing the work on my own.”
G: “Then what is Magic for?”
M: “Transformation, progression, tipping a balance. We’re moving obstacles, but when it comes to actually obtaining something, I would rather earn it. I expect to put in work.”
G: “And you have.” (he’s referring to putting in ‘magical’ work)
M: “I have and supposedly I will have some of that which I have earned.”
G: “Supposedly. You doubt.”
M: “I’ve publicly doubted for years. Doesn’t mean I don’t expect it. It just means their timeline was completely wrong or knowingly false.”
G: “That is all. Thank you for exposing some of this.”
(Bringing this to light and being open about it)
G: “You’re noticing that I’m influencing things”
M: “I wouldn’t have put the two together if you hadn’t been asking me to reminisce and search for other similar things just with different contexts with different people.”
G: “That is what this work is about. You’re doing well with it, but once you go deeper with it, it will be painful and you won’t know why. There is pain you have to release that you don’t know is there. One of the only ways you can do that is by thinking the conversation out in your head, letting it play out, and finding where the sticking point is. Reversing back to the previous conversation. They keep going back to those points until it no longer seems to have that same effect on you. I want you to do this for a situation that happened recently and I think you know why.”
M: “I will thank you.”
Well, Gusion came to tell me we were done. THe past few days, conversation and people from the past came and went. Sometimes, I was shown what may have been if I had chosen differently or if someone else had. It would be easy to look at it through the lens of what I have become. Instead, I try to see it from the perspective of who I was. IF that’s what would’ve happened. There were some points that I’m still on the fence about whether it would’ve been better or not. Not something one can really know.
Some of the pondering led me to some of the lyrics of an old song I used to listen to a lot back in the day.
Hail Gusion!
