This happened a week ago or so, but I got sidetracked. And I’m just…confused? It’s been this way throughout the entire redo of the Shadownomicon, to be honest. I started this knowing I would be going though MANY hard, stressful changes, while I moved 4,000 miles away. Those challenges still continue. There’s plenty of fertile ground for any and all of the named Shadow People to prey upon.
I’m very aware that this could be some simple “Jedi Mind Fuck” that Legion is playing to make a mockery of my second go-through. BUT, I’m also well aware that they way I did it the first time, combined with meaningful and near-continuous (really) progress/change presents a smaller attack space for these issues to take hold.
I’m actually reminded a bit of the Kasdeya located here. Again, it was opening myself up to serious, significant change after I had already done so. I had discounted having open gateways/portals to Tiamat and Zagan. In the same way I had discounted having an open portal for Legion the first time I did this work.
While I am the person that can realize that this additional influential “work” in my daily life, largely unrestricted, has paid off, I’m also wary. One does NOT call upon these entities and give them open access without expecting upheaval. And while my mind runs over the various things that have gone on over that time period through now, the thing that makes me most wary is that I’ve expected it to be WORSE. Yet, that’s the same thing I’ve thought for the…what….5 years since I’ve implemented this policy, this way of life?
They know I’m reminiscing. I have Tiamat’s portal stone here and brought it with me. I’m about to open it again. Despite this, I’m being reminded of all the things that have gone wrong or at least “not right”. Am I where I was told I would be when I was last here? No, but absolutely not worse. I’m in a significantly better place, but won’t pretend that I’m just a magician on a sailboat, casting spells, writing books, living simply….
Instead, I’m back in Hawaii, my son was accepted into a technology school, I’m leading one department and will be leading another within a few months, with several qualified applications in for people interesting in renting my house in Maryland in the last week. I had the $10,000 needed to put into the house to make it more desirable while also managing the expenses to move here (that will be reimbursed , but taxed). When I left here last time, we used…quite a bit to put down on that house.
All of that makes me very thankful. ALL of those areas are attack surfaces for spirits like this. All of the interactions, none of which are simple. It’s not been easy, since these things also affects others beside me and there are times where it looks like things aren’t going to work out, but they do. Sometimes it’s listening to the “wind” and deciding to let things slide. Sometimes, I’m picking up a wand and enforcing my Will upon the problem. Other times, I’m asking for guidance and/or help from spirits with better vantage points and specific abilities.
But I’m not giving in to my Shadows and largely not dwelling in them, small instances aside. Small instances being a single evening or a few hours.
For I am NOT a victim. I am a Conqueror that doesn’t wish to be a King and that’s a very empowering place to be.
