17JUN2024. We actually had Sunday mostly off, which was good, because we’ve been running around tying up as many loose ends as possible for this move. My work stuff was finally handed off and the remaining free time was spent in preparation or running errands. A lot of which had to do with mailing ourselves things we couldn’t fit in our suitcases, or that were rejected by the movers. Sunday, it was check-in time for our Monday morning flight. Fine, but we figured out that there was only one cat listed and it was listed under me. My wife and son didn’t have a cat listed on their boarding passes. JFC…
K at the Boise Reservations desk was pleasant and assured me that there were three cats tied to my reservation and I had nothing to worry about. Whew. I wasted most of the day outside of repacking stuff. Monday morning, 3am comes awfully early. Went to bed at 10pm and woke up every hour. Still, it was more sleep than I was expecting. We got the final packing done, put the harnesses on the cats, shoved the unwilling cats into their carriers, and went to the airport.
Check-in was smooth. Yep 3 cats and 3 on the reservation. Some checked bags and we were heading through Security. Security noticed I had 2 cats and immediately pulled me off to another line. My wife and son kept walking, but he had the 3rd cat. I’m trying to explain this to the TSA people who either weren’t awake to comprehend what I was saying and pointing at or were awake and didn’t comprehend what I was saying and pointing at. 10 minutes later, they finally wrangled my son with me in line, but my wife wasn’t allowed to come in that line because she didn’t have a pet. It was the same damn procedure and nothing separated those lines. Except some critical thinking skills and some missing common sense.
I have to have one cat on each shoulder for this, since my wife sets the metal detectors off from her surgeries. I show my son the procedure and that’s when I realized that the long, skinny “I will piss on anything” cat (a.k.a. Piss Pirate) SLIPPED OUT OF HER HARNESS!
“Oh no. No no no no no no no.” TSA escort number 4 looks like he’s about to shit himself. So, I’m fighting with this long, angry escape artist to get her harness back on. Meanwhile, Cat #2 is attached to a leash and was already unhooked from her carrier, so I’m using my body to keep her in her carrier. Piss Pirate is constantly trying to escape, TSA #4 realizes he’s no match for this 14 pound, lean, strong ass cat (Piss Pirate) and stays out of the way. Eventually, I get both on my shoulders. I’m sweating from effort and adrenaline. The cats are starting to squirm and the TSA Gate Guards are waiving others forward. My pants are starting to fall down because my belts been waiting past Security for 10 minutes. Finally, it’s our turn.
I walk through and then a new TSA crossing guard tells me they have to swab my hands. “Can I put the cats in the carriers that have made it through your screening first?”
“No”
“Fine” I turn the backs of my hands over to keep the cats on my shoulders. “You’re going to have to do it like this or chase some cats.” He wasn’t amused and I couldn’t move. Ridiculous. Eventually, he gets done playing patty cake with my hands and I’m finally able to get the cats in their carriers. My pants stayed up with some quick pulls from my hands, and we were free to do what we should’ve been able to do fifteen minutes earlier – go about our business.
First leg went well. Cats weren’t too loud. Nobody deuced in their carriers (they typically won’t when overly stressed). The world was boring, but good. Then Seattle happened. And like most things on the upper West Coast of the US, shit gets crazy and can lose touch with reality. SEATAC airport sucks for trips like ours. You don’t have time to sit down and eat before your next 5-6 hour flight and even if you did, they have two seats for every hundred people at these restaurants. Instead of making more seating at existing restaurants, they want small ones no one can get to. But this wasn’t the only problem this time.
We finally got our food from Wendy’s, had 15 minutes before boarding (1 hour 40 min layover). They come over the intercom and tell us we’re on a maintenance hold. Which turns into a “we need another plane” and moving our gate across the terminal. Fine. At least it wasn’t cancelled.
“Norse900, Mr. Norse900, can you please come see a representative at the service counter?”. I don’t like hearing things like that.“
It shows you have 1 cat. Do you have the (veterinary) paperwork for that?”
“One? Should be three. We have three on our reservation, according to your Boise Reservations department when I verified yesterday. Is there a problem?”
“You have three? (Yes) With you. (Yes – FFS). How are you going to fit three cats under your seat for the flight?”
“I won’t. There are three of us and three cats. One per seat.”
“There aren’t three on our reservations for you” This gal wasn’t qualified to pull this off, so she handed me off to a senior gal that was trying hard to make it seem like I was smuggling cats. Then she figured out there were 3 listed under one reservation. Then figured out we’d paid the fee for 3. Then she reminded herself that you can’t list your cats by yourself that way when making reservations and it happened from someone on their end when we called about the cats over a month ago. She did me a sort of (pretend) favor by letting me continue my journey – with my cats – after she realized they fucked it up on their end and not mine. I got a short, but stern, lecture about how I need to do it next time. I let her know I was moving back to Hawaii and the procedure would probably change in the next 3 years.
Today’s nonsense aside, Alaska is still the easiest to fly with cats on. You put them in a soft sided carrier and they go at your feet in place of the second carry-on. For $100 per pet. Just remember, it’s a first-come first-serve basis and they only allow so many pets per flight. I want to say we were told 5, which is why we got in early with our 3. You can’t last-minute crate them and the rules for airline crates are horrendous. Not all carriers marked “airline approved” or similar are. Failing to get our then only cat crated by United when their baggage person was having a bad day (an being a royal asshole because she could) was why we started flying Alaska to begin with.So, if you’re flying with cats or small ankle biters, Alaska is still the best way to go. Be sure to read and follow the rules. Plan and practice your pet carrying skills when you get ready for TSA, though. There’s no fix for that – besides crating your pet.
