It was news to me that Hecate wasn’t a “real” demon. She wasn’t listed as such in the Complete Book of Demonolatry. She also gave me the task of calling Leviathan for my first “real” evocation. I would call on her and ask her to come and she wouldn’t need a whole lot of prodding. But with Leviathan, I knew it wasn’t going to be so easy.
I did look to see he was associated with Water and being a Scorpio, I was hoping that maybe that would help a little. I’m not sure that it did at all, looking back. One of the most important benefits for new evocationalists is whether the spirit WANTS to come. It did take a few weeks.
I know. People get pissed sometimes when I say that, but it’s true. That was three weeks of trying several (at least) times a day, attuning to his enn all day long when not in meetings, spending my free time focusing myself towards that goal. I felt him a few times, briefly, but it was mostly small blotches of energy that I knew was his and it would renew my willingness to beat myself to death over however long that period of time was.
What was that really about? Learning rudimentary evocation. He could’ve come at any time. But I was getting the process down of attuning to an energy source I didn’t know to then use that to call the entity behind it! A critical skill I have used many, many times and will continue to use.
Now, having done that to his satisfaction (it was really basic), I was a bit shocked when I was sent back to Belial and Abaddon not long after. I thought for sure I was going to work with Leviathan. I would, but not for several years and I would periodically ask when he would show up on his own to help with injury or illness (usually random joint pains).
Part of me did honestly wonder if I was somehow not good enough or if I hadn’t done enough. Things you wonder when there aren’t answers and nobody is explaining anything when you ask. I do remember those conflicting thoughts and emotions and many are pictures in my head of walking along the coast near Pearl Harbor, my thoughts so focused as I replayed encounters that most of those memories are of sidewalk and not palm trees.
It’s that waiting – for years – after initial contact that I wanted to most relay here. That wonder if I could’ve done something better or wasn’t good enough. These are some of the same fears my childhood gifted me with, too, but that was a much longer road to get over than waiting a few years (a.k.a. working my ass off for other spirits).
I may work with him less these days, but that’s because I’m busy using the energetic rituals he’s given me to help myself and others. I know he’s pleased and it put to rest that wonder of whether I “owed” him for those healing instances years before. For my accomplishments in his domain are still partially his and there will be many more years of that.
