The Birthday Review

And here we are. The birthday review. It’s been a busy year.

112 published blog posts.
25 completed weeks of the 76 Week Goetia.
House hunting trip and moved back to Oahu, Hawaii.
168 videos created on YouTube.
Published Pele’s Grimoire (#1).
Published Norse900’s Campaign Planner.
Started work on Pele’s Grimoire 2 (64 pages without illustrations and pictures).

It’s easy to downplay this amount of work on the daily, weekly, or monthly reviews I (very loosely) do. I don’t go and get numbers like I did here. I’m both surprised at the amount of work and cognizant that it could’ve been larger. I look and think, “Damn, that is A LOT” while also remembering the times I took rest while reading in bed for hours, typing many articles/opinion posts I wouldn’t put up on my blog, and the nights spent enjoying my fire pit with some beer in hand. Well, that last one has been handled, since I don’t have one here, but you know what I mean.

One thing I am quite aware of and notice as a change is that I don’t get depressed on my birthday like I did in my youth. A lot of work went into that and it wasn’t all just the shitty upbringing by toxic feminists and no genuine father figure around. Part of it was survivor’s guilt from the War, too. It’s one of my greatest achievements and I started noticing it changing a few years ago. It we say I started healing from the childhood stuff at 20, the it and the War-related guilt has been a 25 year battle.

Regardless of the hardship and adversity, it’s been a good year.

2 responses to “The Birthday Review”

  1. Kristen Avatar
    Kristen

    Happy birthday (almost). You discuss your childhood and how traumatic it was for you. I am sorry. It sounds like you really suffered.

    Do you find any benefit from the suffering? Do you feel you would have accomplished as much of your personal work if you had been born into a stable, loving family?

    I do think my own trauma has somehow helped me to address a lot of underlying traits I want to work through and get rid of.

    I am happy you are having this wonderful birthday in such a beautiful place. I do hope the coming year is your very best yet.

    I am about halfway through your book. Reading about the ritual with the trees wrapping and binding reminded me of a dream I had. I dreamt of Lori Vallow last year of all people. There were black tendril things wrapping around her and filling her from the inside. Something was taking her over and she was terrified. In the dream I prayed to “her” Christian God for help. I could not help her though.

    I wonder sometimes if these people doing such horrific things are here because someone has to inflict the suffering. If that is the nature of Earth, someone has to be the “bad guy”? Or if a Utopia is supposed to be what we live in here.

    I struggle with wrath. I don’t want the guilt of harming someone else that really doesn’t deserve it. And that kind of pisses me off. At heart I have masochistic tendencies, but there is a raging, sadistic streak that I inherited from my father. Some days I want nothing more than to inflict pain. As someone that wants to make this their final life here, how do you avoid any “karmic” debt with baneful work? Or are you beyond it now?

    Much love and happiness on your birthday and beyond.

    1. Norse900 Avatar
      Norse900

      Thanks, Kristen! Suffering can be a benefit, but I don’t know how much of it is really necessary. Quite frankly, I think some of it is so the “Gods” can see what the abuser does and how far they took it with the victim almost being an afterthought. Not entirely true, but it does get into the whole “karma” thing…

      This I think is largely bullshit as we know it. Most systems that require an afterlife have some sort of trials and tribulation narrative, sometimes with a redemption arc that can be carried. Some systems believe the karma is paid off over several lifetimes. Some thing it’s largely between lifetimes. Some of the most fantastical and restrictive think you don’t get any other lives and this is your one chance to get out of house arrest.

      There are so many paths and belief systems that they cannot all be true, but may not be completely false. The majority that didn’t come from one religion, like Buddhism or similar, don’t agree much at all, except that you die.

      When I died as a child and was given the chance to stay there or go, there was no mention of karma, past deeds, or anything similar. There was no admonishment or finger wagging. The ancestors that greeted me were from different time periods and different religions. When I combine this with my work with sentient spirits here, it became clear that the entire thing Westerners called “karma” was a load of horseshit. Especially the wishful-thinking Wiccan kind. Or dictators wouldn’t get their “due” or “justice” when they’re near their death bed, having had their way for 20-60 years.

      Similar lessons were learned by my colleagues these days than what I had to go though. They just weren’t as traumatic. The same lesson could’ve been learned peacefully in a lot of cases. Karma implies there’s an order to the Universe that doesn’t really seem to be there the more one works with the different pieces of it. If you get stuck in one paradigm, that paradigm will get reflected back onto you and your beliefs, so it’s important to move outside of the similar group-think and group-belief areas.

      I can also make an argument that people fulfilling the “Will of the Gods” probably would get a pass for doing things that would be considered negatively in the karmic guilt-trip game. Somebody has to be the bad guy sometimes and even Taoists believe that sometimes they have to the be rod that helps the people.

      I do find value in the Taoist belief that the sum of what you were gets wrapped up with what you are in this lifetime when you die. I’ve seen that work before, though not 100%. It’s not Universal that I can see. But that would raise or lower your spirit based on the actions of this lifetime. You would either move up the spiritual ladder (whose?) or move down. In most cases you have to try again until it’s so pure that you finally graduated and can leave kindergarten.

      Another issue with karma is that there’s nothing that says you have to work it off in a body. You’re still tied to the cycle and can do good deeds without a body.That doesn’t work out as nicely as paying for forgiveness at the offering plates, but there is credence to it. I’ve used a similar method before to get “work” for the dead to keep them focused and help unfuck the state they were in when I started helping them. They provide service to an entity in exchange for guidance and similar. It’s done wonders for some. Some just…checked out…a little early and want to watch and help their families until they are done, too. It can be a powerful help to them and nothing about it involves karma.

      So, no, I think most karma beliefs are a holdover from our shitty Christianity upbringings where you gotta be shit scared of ruining everything to actually live and experience life. It can bite my ass, with all the bad shit it seems to ignore all over the place.

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