As I read the first few dozen pages, contemplating when I would work through some/most/all of this and whether I would make my experiences public, I already knew I would. I stopped after those first few pages, reminiscing on when she came to me five years ago, less than 10 miles from where I now sit. My drive to work is full of memories of singing to her. My praise, my fear, my abeyance and my obstinance, I’m reminded that what I did was listen and move forward. Often at her direction, rather than her command. For a command could be refused, but direction, however “off” it seemed, still hinted at MY growth and not some whim.
And it did.
So, five years later, with my original idol broken in my return move, my replacement working its way through the war zones of Ukraine, I now find myself both working on Pele’s 2nd Grimoire and now in the possession of the Hekataeon by Jack Grayle. As I contemplated the working, I found her whispering in my ear something she had said seemingly so long ago – “Worship is not what I ask of you. Only Respect, Love, Guidance, and the Will to do it all”. Those were not her exact words, there at the end. “Worship is not what I ask of you” IS. The rest is both what is expected and what is given for such.
I know the first part, that of dedication, takes 9 days. But that phrase above is still relevant. For THAT phrase threw me off and directed me from then on. WIth that in mind, she wants me to consider working through this book. It IS my choice. There will have to be caveats made if it comes to singular dedication, of course.
I have refused my “Dark Queen” things in the past, as one should where appropriate. But this likely won’t be one of them. My household stuff comes tomorrow (30JUL24). This will be on my mind as I set my ritual space back up with my bells, whistles, idols, tools, and visual niceties.
Sometimes dedication, both to oneself and your Deity, isn’t measures by what you do for them directly. But what direction and effort one takes in their tutelage. The wait, too, can be substantial and the truth is this – this will bring me much closer to her, but it is a middle point, however substantial.
Worship is not what she has ever asked of me and she isn’t now. There are several “something”s I will get from this book and she has asked me to consider working through the majority of it – at least until she says to stop or makes it clear the rest isn’t helpful to me at this time.
Of course, my dear.
